My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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