you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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