Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
false alarm. still invincible.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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