she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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