Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
