Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
