Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
