Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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