forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
