you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
