that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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