I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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