dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
