we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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