he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
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Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
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I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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