I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
