Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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