I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
