So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
