I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
