Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
