I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
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I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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