That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
