I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
