How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
