my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
