i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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