Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
