This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
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Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
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Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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