She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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