I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
