I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
