I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
