Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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