Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
