You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
