Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
