Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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