Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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