When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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