So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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