Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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