i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
