Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
