apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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