He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
