he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
