im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
