I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
