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• (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  What did I say to him last night?

  (385): View more from Utah

  Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  all in all not a bad night

  Fav 5 1900 1125

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.

  Fav 16 1070 2656

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again

  Fav 59 973 3774

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• (914): View more from New York

  Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame

  Fav 9 3124 1565

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• (512): View more from Texas

  that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club

  Fav 8 1330 2163

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.

  Fav 8 1652 735

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• (417): View more from Missouri

  Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.

  Fav 1 794 1062

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.

  Fav 10 1477 742

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.

  Fav 1 381 213

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• (949): View more from California

  They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.

  Fav 0 55 9

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• (778): View more from British Columbia

  Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment

  Fav 0 20 40

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.

  Fav 0 51 13

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.

  Fav 0 52 9

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• (224): View more from Illinois

  Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.

  Fav 0 75 7

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