I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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