He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
