we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
