he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
