I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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