Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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