I wish my penis had an off switch
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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