Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
