How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize