I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Randomize
