i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
