Your dad touched me again.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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