why do cheetos always look like penises
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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