We won't sleep together?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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