I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
