But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
