He kissed a someone with a penis
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You left your underwear on the fireplace
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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