Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
