Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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